Ultimate Author Battle Tournament!
by PSI-Triforce
Summary: In revenge for all the stupid things we've made them do, the Smashers force 8 authors to fight to the death for their entertainment! With Kill The Empire, Midnight Crystal Sage, Yoshizilla, Celebaby and more, who will win? My first Crackfic!


Warning: This fanfiction is for humour purposes, and not meant to actually offend anyone on the site.

The reason I wanted to make this is because I thought it was a bit unfair how we write fanfictions in which the Smash Bros die/split up/get humiliated/generally have not a very nice time, and they've never been able to return fire on the writers. So without further ado, here's 8 fanfiction writers forced to fight each other.

If anything, be proud that I include you in this fanfiction. It means you are one of the 8 most famous writers of fanfiction on this site, so please don't be annoyed if you lose.

And no, I'm not going to make myself win. That would be uber-cheesy and completely suck.

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It's a quiet day in Smash Mansion/Palace/Trailer park, until Master Hand summons 8 fanfiction writers from all over the world to do battle. They are bemused as to why they are there, until Master Hand clears his throat, which he doesn't have, and began to speak.

"Writers of fanfiction, my Smashers have been forced to battle each other time and time again because of you, and now, they want to spend some time watching you fight for a change. You are the 8 biggest persecutors of their human rights, so I have chosen you to fight.

Sonic Phantom, PSI-Triforce, Kill The Empire, Yoshizilla, Celebaby, Midnight Crystal Sage, Pikana, and Wiiboychris… you are all guilty of forcing the Smashers to do ridiculous things, and so you will be punished in an ironic, yet unimaginative way!

You will fight each other in the kind of cheesy tournament fights that you always forced the Smashers to fight in! If you win, I may return you back home unscathed… but there can only be one winner!

Let the fighting begin!"

Before anyone could move, two authors were flung into a furious battle on Final Destination with no items.

BATTLE 1: Midnight Crystal Sage VS Sonic Phantom

Sonic Phantom, being a phantom of Sonic, stood still and laughed as Midnight Crystal Sage tried to attack, but found her fists going straight through Sonic Phantom's body.

"Hah, you'll never hurt me, I am phantom!" the winning author stated, before realising a problem. Sonic Phantom tried to fight back, but alas, the hands of the phantom went straight through it's opponent.

"Well this sucks…"

There was a pause, as the two combatants tried to figure out how to fight each other, before Midnight Crystal Sage had an idea.

"Rock paper scissors?"

"Deal!"

They both put all of their effort into the game, but alas, there could only be one winner.

"Rock!" shouted Sonic Phantom.

"Paper!" shouted Midnight Crystal Sage.

A look of horror appeared on Sonic Phantom's face as they began to fade away, and their last words rang through the arena.

"How does paper beat a rock, that doesn't even make sense……"

Winner: Midnight Crystal Sage!

BATTLE 2: PSI-Triforce VS Kill The Empire

PSI-Triforce found himself stripped of his author powers, leaving him unable to make himself a gary-sue and win the tournament. Kill The Empire took advantage of this and charged forwards, only for PSI-Triforce to lie down and try to go to sleep.

"What are you doing?"

PSI-Triforce replied through a yawn, "Haven't you read my stuff? Pretty much everything I do is a oneshot… and I've already written one battle, so I'm done here," before trying to go back to sleep and being woken up by Kill The Empire kicking him in the stomach. However, as PSI-Triforce stood back up, he had no damage.

"How are you doing that?" asked Kill The Empire, hungry for blood to be spilled.

PSI-Triforce laughed and replied, "I have been granted healing powers by Ness as a reward for being the only writer who pairs him up with someone other than Lucas."

"Oh yeah? Well let's see how far he can protect you!"

Unluckily for PSI-Triforce, although Ness' healing powers were awesome, they couldn't change the fact that he was still a weakling. A weakling in an awesome 'Ocarina of Time' T-shirt, but still a weakling. Easily distracting his opponent with a picture of Link, Kill The Empire drew PSI-Triforce into a false sense of security before opening his mouth and beginning to spew flames.

"Ah, I'm burning to death!" screamed PSI-Triforce as he burned to death.

"Big deal," muttered Kill The Empire as PSI-Triforce died, "I only flame people who deserve it, and trying to kill me is a good enough reason to deserve it!"

Winner: Kill The Empire!

BATTLE 3: Pikana VS Yoshizilla

A Pikachu in a red hoodie and skirt walked into the arena, facing a Yoshi. While Yoshi was a good fighter, Pikana is electric, and furiously sent shockwaves through the ground, startling Yoshizilla into falling over.

However, the tables began to turn as Yoshi pulled out a Pokéball and hurled it at Pikana, trapping her inside. It wiggled once, then twice, then a third time, then Pikana jumped back out. Yoshi cringed and said "Pikana broke free of the Pokéball, it was so close too!"

Trying to take Pikana on a level of intelligence, Yoshi shouted, "How can you hope to defeat me? I have written millions of words of fanfiction, while you are still a new writer!"

Pikana looked offended and threw her fanfictions at Yoshizilla. They hit him in the face and hurt him, but he just laughed it off as he stepped out of the way of his pile of fanfictions.

Towering over 100 times the size of Pikana, she could only gasp as page after page of fanfiction fell onto her.

She fainted. Yoshi gained 74 exp points.

Winner: Yoshizilla!

BATTLE 4: Celebaby VS Wiiboychris

Celebaby is a cross between Celebi, and a baby, while Wiiboychris is a cross between a Wii, and a boy named Chris. Chris laughed as he drew out his WiiMote and Nunchuk, and started a ferocious attack on Celebaby. Using the Nunchuk the way it's name implies for once, Chris got in several strong hits while Celebaby recoiled in shock.

Unfortunately for Wiiboychris, he fought too far away from his power socket, and the Wii part of him shut down when the power cord came out. With the human side of him struggling to move, Celebaby plucked the WiiMote from him and started holding it above her head.

"This is for giving us WiiMusic instead of a new Kid Icarus game," she screamed as she impaled the Wiiboy with his own WiiMote, almost electrocuting herself in the process, but surviving just enough to be put into the next round.

Winner: Celebaby!

SEMI FINAL 1: Midnight Crystal Sage VS Yoshizilla

Yoshizilla started by throwing lots of eggs at Midnight Crystal Sage, but she dodged them with ease. Yoshizilla tried to crush her under his vast amount of fanfiction, but she had written just enough of her own fanfiction to protect her. After becoming infuriated, and being desperate to get to the final, Yoshizilla muttered darkly,

"I was going to save this for the final, but I might as well use it now."

Yoshizilla hunched over and started to growl. Beginning to grow, he laughed as Midnight Crystal Sage staggered backwards. Eventually, Yoshizilla had stopped, but he now looked like a cross between Yoshi and a T-Rex.

"Behold the true power of Yoshizilla," he roared, before letting off another intimidating roar, but having trouble breathing in again. Coughing and spluttering, he eventually collapsed onto his side, choking out a ball of fluff before dying.

"That isn't just any fluff," laughed Midnight Crystal Sage, "It's LinkxPit fluff, and there's plenty more where that came from!"

Winner: Midnight Crystal Sage!

SEMI-FINAL 2: Celebaby VS Kill The Empire

Celebaby tried to distract Kill The Empire by pointing in the opposite direction and shouting, "Look, there's an inexperienced writer who isn't accepting constructive criticism and claiming that their story is actually really good when it's really a blemish on the english language and a skidmark on the underpants of fanfiction itself!"

Kill The Empire spun around, seeking out his prey, but realised too late that Celebaby was taking advantage of him, as he felt her kicking him in the back. Turning back around, he let out all of his fanfiction related rage on Celebaby, leaving her scarred, scratched, and almost dead, until she used her secret move, and pulled out a piece of paper with 'The Empire' written on it.

"The empire!" screamed Kill The Empire, "I've been looking for you for some time!"

Ignoring his opponent, Kill The Empire began punching the piece of paper, not noticing as Celebaby disappeared for a second, then came back with a giant meat slicer. Headbutting the piece of paper on the ground, he still didn't notice as she disappeared and came back with an axe a second later, before raising it and preparing to kill Kill The Empire!

"Take that!" shouted Kill The Empire, throwing the piece of paper to the floor, unaware that it would fly up and soar into Celebaby's hand.

"Ah, papercut!" she screamed, dropping the axe as it landed on her foot, accidentally causing her to stagger backwards into the meat slicer. Kill The Empire let out a huge victory cry of "JIMBOOOOOO!"

Winner: Kill The Empire!

GRAND FINAL: Kill The Empire VS Midnight Crystal Sage

A battle of epic proportions, Midnight Crystal Sage threw pages of bad fanfictions at Kill The Empire in an attempt to distract him from the fight.

"'OMG ZELLIE' SED MARTH, 'U IZ LUKIN WELL FIT!!!11"

"Stop butchering the English language!"

"DIS IS MY FRST STORY + I THNK ITS GOOD, PLZ REVUE!"

"I can't take this much longer!"

Midnight Crystal Sage's plan distracted him successfully, and as he lay, distressed over how the quality of fanfictions had gone downhill, she approached him to finish the fight.

Amazingly, a mysterious figure swooped down and landed agilely on the ground, revealing himself as… Captain Falcon? Before either combatant could say anything, he turned to Midnight Crystal Sage and shouted,

"This is for all the times writers have made me look like a pervert who disrespects women, Falcon PUNCH!"

Midnight Crystal Sage was hit and flew backwards off into oblivion. Kill The Empire groggily got to his feet and muttered, "Whew, thanks," before another figure in a pink dress landed next to him.

"This is for all the fanfictions that make me look like a ditzy blonde bimbo!" shouted Peach as she hit the last author off the stage with a frying pan.

More Smashers appeared, and more authors appeared, as each Smasher bombarded the authors with more attacks.

"This is for making me look childish," shouted Toon Link, hacking away at the authors with his sword.

"This is for only paying attention to me in my Zero Suit!" screamed Samus as she cracked the neck of an author between her thighs as he was drooling.

"Pika Pika Pika Pika!" screamed Pikachu, which meant, "This is for people repeatedly making me say 'Pika Pika' for comedic effect, even though it's not funny!"

For hours, the authors were beaten, bruised, and killed, but the Smashers felt guilty enough to send them back to their homelands with no memory of what had happened. And so, the authors were punished for putting the Smashers through all the terrible, terrible things they had made them do.

Winner of the Grand Final: The Smash Bros!

The end!

With congratulations to any referenced fanfiction writers.

And with apologies to any referenced fanfiction writers.

Please don't sue me.

Until next time...

JIMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


End file.
